I haven't seen my dad since I was 18, (I'm 21 currently) and I'm pretty used to not seeing him. He and I have an on and off relationship due to him living in North Carolina and not helping my mom when she was taking care of me alone. This year me and him have connected again and he is trying to help me financially and I do appreciate it. So he wanted to come up here to spend some time with me, and then we're gonna drive down to Milwaukee to my cousin's wedding which was really cool. I booked his plane ticket and stuff and was thinking that this would be good seeing my dad and things could really get better between us. As I kept thinking good, positive thoughts something kept itching the back of my brain. I knew I had forgot something, maybe I put his ticket under my name instead of his.......no we have the same name, or maybe I wouldn't be off work when is the plane gets here.....nah I'll have plenty of time. Then it hit me...
I FORGOT HE DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GAY!!
Damn it!!!! Now its not like I'm some big flame or somethin, but still I've changed a little I'll admit. My mom has been knowing since I was 17 but she didn't want me to tell my dad until I went off to college, but I just kept putting it off because I didn't want to go through that process again ( The first time around was not pretty..not pretty at all). Also with the exception with one of my cousins noone on my dad's side of the family knows I like dudes, and the only reason my cousin knows is because when I told her last year I was comin down to ATL where she lives labor day weekend she basically knew at the point. She just flat out asked me like "You like boys?". I laughed because she asked it with this ghetto/country twang to her voice. I told her the truth and she was cool and we actually have a great relationship. She told me that I should really tell my dad, and I agreed but I still never did it. So here lies the dillemma do I tell him when he comes or should I wait until a better time? My first instinct is to wait but I think its more of me wanting not to deal with this now. Sigh...........confusion is a bitch.
*Song flowing in my ear- India Arie: Good morning*